Begin and the rest is easy

As Todd and I were enjoying a quiet evening at home, watching TV, with laptop at one side, dads monitor at the other, we heard that we had "mail" and found Lisa's new Blog about her journey and enjoyed it so much decided to go with the flow and create my own Blog. Todd is still asking what is a blog?? What is my space?? Why do we need all of this information out there floating around?? If you know Todd, you can image the "crocheted" questions and hand motions and all the reasons I love him so much. I am going to see how this goes. How long will I do it??? I don't know, but dad always taught me, begin and the rest is easy, so lets give it a try.

I'm not going to go back too far, just want to update those of you who do not know, Todd and I decided to "TRY" to take care of dad here in our home three weeks ago this coming Monday. He has asked and asked me to take him home at each visit at the Maples, and I would always reply, "I can't", you are in the best place possible right now. Through prayer and sharing, Todd suppported any decision I would make on this opportunity. I thought, all I can do is try, and promised to not feel guilty or unworthy if it didn't work-to myself and others. It all began on April 21, and it has certainly been a life change for us. My first thing I would like to share about the last three weeks is I have been given a gift of experiencing things with my dad that only one can have by being with him 24/7. I have been given the chance to see his gentleness, thankfulness, humble, childlike innocence that not too many of his family and friends have not ever seen. I have been taught to count my blessings in all things, and this is such a challenge to me, to find blessings in caring for a man of my fathers demands, selfish, unthankful ways as well. So if that tells you anything, there are definately two sides to his personality and it changes as fast as a blink of an eye. Todd has had to stand back and see me rocking my father as a child for comfort as we struggle getting from the bed to the chair, to a close screaming match of who is right and who is wrong on how to treat one another. I imagine to Todd, what have I married in to here, but never says a word about the invasion of his home to us. I thank our Father in Heaven for Todd as my husband and his support. Again, this is still "trial" and dad may have to go back to the Maples or someone of that nature, but for today/tonight we are still trying.

An update on dad, he has had more good days here than bad, everyone that comes to see him cannot believe his improvement on alertness, eating, walking, up and talking, pain management, and most of all contentment. Today May 8th, has been, on the other hand, a hard day for dad, very disorentated, calling me Ikie (his sister that passed) most of the day, not eating and so weak it has taken both Todd and I to get him up and to the chair. I even had to call Scotty this morning to come and help get dad back to bed as I just could not move him myself and Todd was at work. Again, I am so blessed to have Scotty three minutes away and drops everything to help me with this. I have the same support from daily calls from Ty, Lisa and Michelle (and coffee/tea visits) checking on me. I also have a church that is blessing us with prayer and calls of support. Scott too is very much a part of our support. God is Good!

It is now midnight and dad keeps yelling for Ikie, reaching for something in the air, and having trouble swollowing, but wanting more and more cold cold water as he puts it, then seems to choke but wants more, clearing his throat between each yell for Ikie, along with help me help me plea's. We turned on the Christian radio station, repositioned the bed and covers, fluffed the pillow and maybe now he is getting calmed down, along with prayer and talking to God! I will sit up and listen to the monitor for a little while, make sure he is calmed down, then hit the sack!

I will try and give a daily update to this journey for dad, Todd and I as time permits. Until next time, your prayers are so felt, and my prayer request for this moment, is peace and comfort for dad, and to know it is okay to let go to life here on earth to go and be with our Heavenly Father and not to be afraid. For us, strength, wisdom and Gods will and understanding for each step we are facing.