Wednesday 2-25-09

Another cold day in Milford Indiana! My wish is someday not live here in the winter, and hopefully that wish will come through by next year. Todd knows how bad I do not like the cold and I know he wants to make me happy----so lets find someplace warm to go.

Today we are in charge of dinner at church, we are making Turkey Manhattens, yummy. I just talked with Tara and she said 150 is a good number to be prepared to serve. When we first started Wednessday evening dinners before church, we did 40 or so, now, wow, it is growing like crazy. I love it.

I had breakfast with my dear friend Carol Studer, she is leaving today for Las Vegas and I sam so happy for her, she deserves it. She just retired from Embarq of 38 years with them, had her retirement party at the Down Under with a wonderful turnout of friends and family. She was honored in a BIG way. Now the rest of the day I'm going to concentrate on dinner.

When I was thinking about a memory to write about today I thought of when Dad insisted on living with Todd and I and we really wasn't sure if that was the best thing for all of us. At that point, he was pretty angry at the nurses and aids at the Maples where he lived, and when I would go to visit him he was also angry at me for whatever reasons, not staying long enough, not coming enough to visit, for working too much and not coming to see him, for not being able to tell others "no" that I had too much on my plate (but he didn't mind asking for everything) and things like that. Anyway, every day he'd ask if I was ready for him to come, and everyday Scott, Ty and I would talk about it. Both brothers thought it was a horrible idea, as there were times when they even had to walk out of the Maples due to him treating them so bad, and I would leave crying more and more that I wasn't good enough, so it was a really hard decision. Even Mike, our pastor, wasn't sure it was a good idea, knowing how emotional I am. But, dad got to me one day promising he would not be a burden, a problem, and if he was, I could bring him right back no questions asked. I remember laying in bed one morning asking Todd what he really thought, and he said that it was up to me, but he thinks we should try. So that afternoon, I told dad in a week or so he was coming to live with us. From that day forward at the Maples he was ready to come, wondering what was taking hospice so long to get the bed, the wheelchair, the portable potty, and I would explain it takes time to get ready. AJ, one of our employees, and friend, came one day and we gutted the computer room for dad to move into. Then we were ready. Scott brought dad by car and when he walked into his room, he was so thankful, and believe it or not, he walked better, ate better and his dispositon was way better. There are more stories of how good he was that I will share later, all I can say is I am so thankful Todd allowed this to happen and what a blessing he is to me, the love of my life.

My prayers today are of thanksgiving of a wonderful husband, children, grandchildren, family and friends. My requests are to be with Carol as she is traveling, with everyone who eats tonight to feel a special blessing, and for my freedom living in the USA

February 23, 2009

As I'm listening to PulseFM, the first song to come on was "I can only Imagine", that was the song my mom loved that was very popular when she was suffering from her leg amputation. She said that if she didn't make it through all of this, that she would be dancing in Heaven as the song said, and I know this morning she is dancing with our Father and dad and she is complete. I am praising God for that and for the day I get to be with them dancing too!

I was pleasantly surprised with a facebook friend - Don Reynolds - and now am able to be in touch with him and his family. They are a part of the Welsh Family Memories that used to go to our church that made a huge impact on our life. Thank you God for bringing us back together.

The weather is calling for 3-5 inches of snow, I'm thinking a good day to stay in and do year end books until I need to go to work at 3. My accountant will also be happy about the snow storm, so I can get her the year-ends!

When I was thinking about what I wanted to write about to catch up on the past, I thought I would write about how good God has been to Todd and I. We were able to vacation again for 14 days in Aruba with family and friends. It seems that Aruba is the only place we truly feel away from the stresses of being self employed. It takes us several days to get to that state of mind, not worrying and taking care of everyone there, but once it kicks in, wow, it is awesome. We had 22 go with us this year, and it is amazing how you can be alone if you wish, or find a chair by a dear family member or friend and share thoughts with no time limits on the conversation. I just feel so blessed to have the chance to vacation like this. One of the many memories of Aruba 2009 that I'm sharing today is we were having church on the beach with those of us that wanted to worship while on vacation (I didn't sing! Dad and Mom always told me Jesus loved my voice, but that's about it for listeners) Anyway, a very dear friend of mine, Dean Miller, asked what I thought about him being baptised in the Caribbean Ocean, at first I thought he was kidding, then when his wife Patty said no he's serious, I said I thought that was awesome and I would go to the desk and see if I could get ahold of a preacher that may come and do it. Then Patty said that Dean wanted ME to do it. I stopped and silently asked God what he thought about that idea, and felt the nudge that its okay. So Todd, Dean, Patty and I went out to the ocean and I said I can only go by what Mike, our preacher, does so we discussed his salvation, his desire to serve, his desire to be more like Jesus every day here on earth and we prayed--we baptised in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Tears ran down my face as I felt so blessed to be in this place at this time. Sometimes we wonder what God's plan is for our lives, and a lesson here is if we be still and listen he gives us opportunites every day to share Him with those around us.

I thank Jesus today for giving me another day of life, to laugh, to be able to work, to enjoy the beauty outside (as I'm inside all warm and cozy), please know that I pray for all of you and that you will be blessed and protected today by our Father in Heaven.

Another Chapter

I am again, so sorry, for taking so long to begin journaling and letting others into my life. I so much enjoyed reading my past stories and know so much has gone on in my life in the last eight months worth writing about, so I will talk a little about the past, and try real hard to keep up with the present. Now that I am blogging I will spend a few minutes catching up with the past, and staying current with the present.

Scott, Ty and I have been busy since dad passed away getting his affairs in order and trying to keep them going as he would have. Scott and Ty are retired now so has more time than I do to follow up on issues we had facing us, and they do such a wonderful job at it. Dad and Mom would be so proud of their boys as they continue to run the business's as dad would have, actually, even better in my eyes! I too am so proud of them. We have had quarterly meetings for the Welsh Family Trust and begin each one with dads request of reciting the Lords Prayer in unison. Scott, Ty and I have such a special relationship as brothers and sister in that we respect each others views, trust each other and feel we do everthing to the best of our abilities to do it as dad and mom would want us to. Our fourth quarter meeting was held in Aruba, a dream I had since dad passed of my brothers and I to spend a vacation together. Ty even had a golf ball for everyone who vacationed with us that had engraved, Nancy's dream.

As far as today, Todd and I had one of the hardest working weeks in a long time, with valentines weekend being one of our best, to working for Stephanie Monday and Thursday, working for Shy Wednesday, and catering Carol Studers Retirement Party on Friday, we are pooped. We got up and did the morning work at Down Under, then went to the Eagles by 9am to support the womens breakfast, then to church at 10:30 and now home chilling on the couch. Todd wanted bread and gravy for dinner (easy) so I was all over that idea, and now watching tv, dozing off, and watching more tv. I'm thinking popcorn for supper....

My prayers today are for our family, for our friends, and for rest and energy to begin another week. I pray for our country and for those who are suffering from unemployement. I praise God for our business and how he so blesses us with customers and opportunities.

I love dad

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June 29th-Two weeks later

I am so thankful for accountability family and friends in my life, I had one with love and compassion tell me to please try and keep this journal going, as I am grieving, so are they, not only for dad but for concern as to how I am doing, and it is unfair not to keep on writing. Sometimes it is just easier to "Quit" something that felt so good, now when its gone, I don't know how it feels, then I remember quitting is for the weak, that one of my favorite "dad" quotes is "There is no hill too high for a high stepper" I need to give it my best, and I will overcome that mountain too. So here we go.

As I began blogging I looked back and my first title was "Begin, and the rest is easy"... So Saturday Morning, the 14th of June, we had four of our granddaughters sleeping on the floor in the living room that I cagidly stepped over, covered back up with their blankies, adjusted their heads on their pillows, gave them grandma kisses in their sleep, and headed to dads room. It was about 6am and I noticed his breathing was different, short shallow breaths, yet not labored. I gently washed his face with a warm cloth, swabbed his lips with a sponge and he just stared at me with the most thankful adoring eyes, but didn't talk. I told him I was going to get my shower and ready for the day, and I would be right back to get him ready for his day too. That was our normal morning routine. Michele came over early to pick up her three girls, I'd say between 7 and 8 and we sat at the kitchen table talking, me telling her his breathing was short and I just felt something was different. We were talking about what did we think he was hanging on for, I told her I just didn't know, as all three of us kids told him to let go, that he was such a wonderful father, had wonderful children and grandchildren and great friends, his work here on earth was complete, to go and be with Jesus, with all the people that he kept saying he saw all week long. Michele in her uplifting spirit said, maybe its "me" he is waiting on, to hear my voice one more time, she also said, loud enough for dad to hear from the table, "He always thought I was so pretty and loved me" We laughed, the girls said goodbye to grandpa Duke and off they went to spend their day around the pool. Savonnah wanted to go, but I explained she needed to stay cause daddy was coming at eleven after he got done working at Winona Lake with teeshirts for a 5K run. I remember going back into dads room while Savonnah was eating her oatmeal, Grandpa Dukes favorite breakfast too, brown sugar and maple, and I just saw dad differently than any other morning. We prayed again and again, asking Jesus to help us through this beautiful day, and if today was the day to take dad home that we were ready. I thought if I sang Jesus Loves Me Savonnah would sing along, as she didn't want to come in the room that morning and I know he could hear her from his bed, and she did sing along from the kitchen table, and I know he heard her cause his eyes refocused to my eyes. He just stared into them again, almost pathetically saying, are you sure you are going to be okay without me. I again told him, remember last night dad, all the granddaughters and I in the kitchen, each making a part of our dinner, laughing and giggling, eating, doing dishes, how wonderful and blessed my life is with family here??? He then changed from pathedic staring eyes to a peace that words can never describe. I said, dad, I am so blessed and thankful for my family, I promise to do my best in everything here on earth, that I will soon be in heaven with him and mom, and all my other family and we will live an eternal life that is never ending. We prayed again. I called Ty and said dad was different and to talk to him, that I was sure he could still hear, so Ty did, asked him to blink or squeeze my hand as he asked questions to him, but he didn't respond that way, only his eyes staring in mine. Ty assured dad of his love, and that he would be back in July for his birthday on the 9th. They said their goodbyes, and I promised to call with any changes. We prayed again. By now it was after nine, I went to check Sanonnah, she was playing house on the front porch, and I told her I was going to give Grandpa his bath and shave him and get him ready for the day, that I would be busy for a few minutes but to call for me if she needed me, went back into dads room to tell him the same plan, and there was no shallow short breaths, but he was warm, I layed my head on his chest, I couldn't hear any heart beat, I put my fingers on his wrist, my heart now was racing, I didn't know if was my throbbing of heartbeat through my fingers or his pulse, then to his neck to feel a pulse there, nothing but my own going so fast I couldn't count looking at the second hand on dads watch I was wearing. I went to the other side of his bed, same thing, my heart still pounding out of my chest, like please, let my heartbeat flow into him dear Jesus, then I looked into his eyes, the same eyes I left him with, peace beyond words, dads loving eyes, not eyes of anger or disgust, but eyes staring towards heaven with almost a twinkle in them. I just don't think I can describe it, but they are marked in my mind, probably forever, because I can close my eyes right now and see them so perfectly. I picked up the phone, called Todd at work and told him I cannot get a pulse, he told me he was on his way. I then called Michele, asked her to come back and get Savonnah, we didn't want her to see all what was going to go on in the next couple of hours, she said she was on her way. I called Scott, he said he was on his way, I called Ty, he said are you sure, shake him, slap his face, are you sure, I said yes I was sure, he then asked if I was alone, if I was okay, I told him Savonnah was here but Michele was on her way, Todd and Scott on their way, and he said to don't do anything else until Scott got there, he would make the necessary calls that would follow. I prayed again, thanking Jesus for my dad, for my mom, for my family and friends, for my life. We always had Pulse Christian Radio on for dad 24/7 the past week, and I was hearing Lifesong being played on the Radio, what a perfect song. I knew right then, life was going to be different for me, and my grieving needed to begin, knowing, God would be carrying me through each moment.

I will write again later about the rest of Saturday, the Memorial and Burial Services and the weeks up to date. I am sorry it took me so long to write this part of the journal, but praying it gives you a bit of closure and peace as it did me. I do want to say that I am grieving slowly, Tara gave me a wonderul CD about grieving and how society thinks one should grieve and what the Bible says about how we are allowed to grieve. I pick the Bible way, slowly, positively and lovingly. I will explain that later too. To not be honest about the hurt only comes back later in life in other forms, that then I would have to figure that out, but by doing it God's way, the healing is His plan, not mine. I'm closing for now. I'm feeling prayer and support from so many, thank you. God's blessings

June 15, 2008 FATHERS DAY

Dad went home to be with his Father yesterday, June 14. Praise God for everything that he has given, He is so good.

The last 55 days have been something I pray that is a reminder of love and family and friends for the rest of my life. I am not sure I can put into words what I am feeling right now, it may have to come later once I process it but one thing I know I can put into words is how much I know what it means to trust God in all things, and when I hear that small still voice telling me something, and I am obedient and trusting Him, that the blessings received are far beyond amazing. When I felt the small voice telling me to bring dad home, I fought it and questioned it and prayed and prayed is this really what you want from me??? to give up MY life, My freedom, when I know he is getting the best care ever, better than I could ever give, there is only one of me, there is CNA's, RN's, Cooks, Housekeepers, Doctors,Receptionists,Hairdressers,Volunteers everything one could dream of to care for dad, how can I do it but kept feeling the nudge. When I went to Todd and said this is what I am feeling he suppported me 100%, with a few rules, but total support. Out of the 55 days or 1320 hours I was telling Todd I would have to think there wasn't even one full hour of regret and anger that I had to deal with my decision, and that was early in the time we had dad, setting boundries if you will. Dad was testing me as to how attentive I really was with unreasonable demands, imagine that! In the morning maybe I can write about his last day with us, and the most beautiful memory that will never leave my heart. I know he is in Heaven, he saw the people waiting for him with so much joy and peace the look on his face I will never forget. Goodnight

June 13 4:30am

Woke up from the couch laying with Brookey and hurried into dads room, not knowing what woke me up to check on him, a little nervous about what I am going to find when I get there, only to see his eyes wide open, and looking up in a stare that I couldn't get is attention. I wiped his face off, sponged water in his mouth and asked if he hurt or was in any pain and he shook his head no, so we prayed together for this new day that is ahead of us, for God to give me the wisdom to give dad whatever he needs since he doesn't communicate anymore, and for dad to know what a wonderful father he is and has been to Scott, Ty and I and that we are going to be just fine when he leaves us here on earth to be with Jesus. I'm going to go back and lay down for awhile and I will write again later today. I am just so thankful for this day I am about to have with the granddaughters and dad.

June 12, 2008 31 Years Ago Today

Anyone that knows our family very well knows a very special wakeup call that mom would give us on our birthday, and it began with our age and how that day was the best day in her life. Well, I picked up on moms tradition and do the same with my children and today was Lisa's day. It was an eventful day with dad waking up yelling for "Ike" and the dogs thinking by him yelling so loud that someone was at the door! I was able to calm dad down pretty quickly, got the dogs outside and began my morning as normal, changing and bathing dad, he always liked to be shaved and what smooth soft skin he has, only this morning his skin was already moist- like and clammy. His grip was so strong that if I got him rolled to one side he woulnd't let go of the bed rail to roll him to the other, I thought, wow, he sure still is strong. He is so heavy to move for as little as he is! Then I remembered Gracie needed to be at the groomer so off I go two houses up the road to drop her off, hurry back as I don't leave dad ever alone, but this morning I did just to do that. Got back and all was normal, went outside to begin watering my plants and remembered I didn't make my wake up call!!! When I got Lisa at work, wished her a happy birthday and that 31 years ago today was the best day of my life, adding to that, that her birth at Goshen General Hospital was one of the largest arrivals in history, with Grandparents, Uncles, Cousins and Friends all waiting for her arrival. Grandma Welsh also pulled every string to have Wooden Wagon Florist have a dozen pink carnations with more babies breath that fit in the arrangement at my bedside by the time I got back to my room in the hospital. She said she was wondering if I was going to call her, oh, I apologized and she so understood how this year this morning was different for me.

All day dad was unresponsive so I just put him in positions that I thought would be comfortable, dripping drops of water from a sponge on his mouth, every now and then a teaspoon of water that he would choke on but swollow, but I felt better he at least had a swollow, more for me than him. Once Todd was checking in on him and he thought how uncomfortable dad was positioned but his face looked peaceful, I had put him on his side, propped with pillows and rolled blankets everywhere, the way I lay on my side, but Todd, not liking to lay on his side thought it looked horribly uncomfortable! We laughed and I left him like that for awhile, then in drops Scotty to see Grandpa, and he too got dad all undone and back on his back where he thought dad should be, so my boys don't like the curled up on the side position.

We were blessed with our four youngest granddaughters for dinner and the night, Savonnah Faye, Brooke-Lynn, Sierra and Summer, so Todd made 'Beer-butt" chicken, potato's and peas for supper for all of us, along with AJ, one of our employee's who was there helping me keep up the yardwork when he's not at the Down Under. We had such a great time out on the deck, talking and sharing with the girls about our past, different kinds of birds, trees and things other than health issues, what a nice break I thought, still repositoning dad every half hour or so and keeping his face wiped and drips of water to his mouth.

It was getting close to ten o'clock and we decided we needed dairy queen's for Lisa's birthday, so we called and sang to her again on the way to the dairy queen and got home and tasted each others blizzards, and ice cream and called it a day. As I was in praying my goodnight prayer with dad, Brooke-Lynn joined me and we had a very emotional few minutes, as she has been such a huge part of Grandpa Duke's life, because she is with me so much, she was able to spend alot of time with him in her 10 years of life. When Brookey was three months old I went to Crystal River to visit dad and mom and Brookey was right there with me to meet her Grandma Faye and Grandpa Duke for a week, then again she went there at about the age of 5, and thousands of visits to Goshen when I'd go see mom and dad, so she has heard every one of the stories out of dads book that the rest of us have been blessed to listen to, as well as all his great words of wisdom, especially, "Think Good Thoughts". So this will be a painful loss for my dear Brookey when dad does go to Heaven, I am just to thankful she is with me tonight to share the goodnight prayer. We held each other tight in tears and said goodnight.

June 7, 2009

Here it is Saturday Night already, again, where does the time go??? We received this report today from Dad's hospice nurse and I thought I would insert in my journal.





Hi I went down to see duke today for the first time since we had spoken at the nursing home. All the rest of the hospice staff had been keeping me informed of how well he had been doing but he has started to decline again in the past three days, today he was up in the living room watching tv when I arrived but he was kind of listless and confused (not sure if he remembered me) did not answer questions about date, year, or where he was at and he believed it was February. He denied and pain or discomfort. His heart rate was 56 which is slow for him and his blood pressure was also low. He drank some 7up and asked to go to bed, Nancy and I transferred him to the wheelchair and took him back to his bed and got him changed. Nancy is doing a fine job caring for Duke but it has to be emotionally draining to witness this decline, Its hard enough for staff that are paid to care for people but it is really hard physically and emotionally for family members who are doing it 24-7. God bless and thank you for allowing us to assist in caring for Duke Gary



Todd and I went out on the lake this afternoon and to dinner tonight with Christopher, Scotty, Mindi and Matt and had wonderful caregivers, but we were a bit anxious to get back as dad just hasn't been good. As I was changing dad getting him ready for bed he still knows who I am, even called me Nancy insted of Ikie, which is who I have been for the last several weeks. He isn't drinking or eatting near as much, maybe a quarter cup of applesauce a day, and the only fluids are what we put in a straw and drop in his mouth or sponge into his mouth. He just doesn't desire anything in his mouth, and we don't push it. I am struggling a bit on going tomorrow to Merrillville to meet Lisa for our mother/daughter get a way night but everyone I talk with is telling me to go, so am still planning on going as of tonight. I know dad would want me to go so that is the real truth of me going. Scotty and Todd will care for dad perfectly I am sure, and I will only be 1 1/2 hour away if they do need me, so all is well with that decision.



I just want to say that the blessings I have received since dad has been here is beyond words, and I thank God for the opportunity to care for him, and for support from my husband, brothers, children and friends to pray us through each day. Until next time, blessings to all who read this.

June 4, 2008

We have had an eventful week with wheelchairs! I feel like I know the AdvaCare Delivery mans entire life as many times as he's been here in the last five days. It started when I was wheeling dad up the ramp from the deck to the house and the portable wheelchair collapsed in midramp! Holding dad in it and keeping the chair from entirely falling to pieces, we made it inside, along with Todd's help after screaming for him for several minutes over a chainsaw mission he was on and couldn't hear my desperate plea for help. So that afternoon Brandon (my new wheelchair delivery friend) brought me a replacement, wrong size, won't fit through the bedroom door, but it worked until the next day when Brandon came again, with a bright new red steel framed chair, only to have it be so new and stiff that after several days dad got two sores from it, so hospice called and had another chair sent, one that may be used she suggested. So Brandon shows up again, with a used black beauty that he was sure was going to work this time, along with another half hour of conversation of his last six jobs in six years, from bug exterminitor to over the road trucker. We used that chair one hour, dad complaining of the same area that creates sores on his rearie dearie. I dreaded calling hospice and telling them, but my obligation is to do so is under signiture when dad moved in to report any pain he is experiencing. So again Brandon shows yesterday with a new full size small version of his comfortable 18" wheelchair, in a 16" model. Yippy, it works so far. I will miss Brandon!

This Sunday is a day I am so looking forward to, it begins with getting to go to church to be with my friends that I miss so much, finding a caregiver for just a couple of hours has been difficult for us, so we've had to listen to the message over the website www.communitychurchofwaterford.com and it just isn't the same as being there, watching Mike's love and passion of the scriptures, the priceless music team praising God, the sharing with friends and seekers. I just miss church so much, so now, I understand the gift of freeedom when you don't have it to go to worship, and makes me pray even stronger for those that can go to church and choose not to. Anyway, Lisa and I were planning our Mother Daughter Mothers Day gift over night in Merrillvile for this Sunday to just talk and eat and shop and maybe spa only to find out my caregiver for 24 hours was not able, then Scotty said my gift to you and Lisa is he will come and stay with dad so I can still go! I am so blessed. So Scotty and Todd are making it possible for Lisa and I to spend a day together! Please keep them in your prayers, and dad and this whole plan to work out.

That is about it for the last couple of days, I will try and keep this site updated every couple days. We feel your prayers and thank you always.

June 2, 2008

Where does the time go??? Again, I thought by having dad here I would have so much more free time, and it just seems I am either so unorganized or it just is that time consuming. Our Social Worker keeps telling me that I need to remember that at the Maples there were 15 on staff caring for their residents, from nurses, to nurses aids, to housekeeping, to kitchen, and so on and that there is only one Nancy. That does help me not feel so scattered, yet, I just know I can do better. I also am trying to explain to dad that every few minutes when I am out of the room or out of his sight, I am still "here". Dad continues to do well, almost improving according to Todd! Todd helps when he can, yet he has taken on all the ownership duties of the Down Under that we used to share. Our staff have also been so willing to go the extra mile and I so appreciate their caring and willingness to do all they do. I went to the Down Under Saturday Night for a couple hours of "fun", we had Total Recall, the band, which I love, and I got a chance to talk with the girls, they said they and the customers miss me terrible, didn't realize all I did (patting myself on the back here) but didn't want me to do anything that evening but have fun, and we did, Steph, Shy, Amanda made sure I didn't miss a dance! Lisa and I are planning our Mother/Daughter Mothers Day Get A Way Night for next week, (her birthday too) that I am so ready for. We are working out the details for dad now. With caregivers being very busy this past weekend, canceling and illness, I wasn't able to go to graduation open houses, church, and a few disappointments, but that goes with the deal. This is a new week and I am counting my blessings. My prayers are many, and if you'd like to share the ones on my heart, I have a friend named Dick that is struggling with an unknown illness, please pray for the doctors to be able to help him, for him to be healed and get better. Also, for my children, brothers and husband, they are all so in my prayers. I just thank Jesus for all He is, and pray I never forget to give him the thanks and the glory for each minute of my life. Without Him, I would never be able to do what i do.

Friday May 23, 2008

Wow, where has the week gone, getting ready for catering this wedding tomorrow has taken a tole on me already! Dad, Todd and I are doing fine, no big stories to share at this time either, he seems very restless this afternoon, but some days are like that. I just wanted to touch base quickly so all of you know we are good. I will be gone from 9am to midnight on Saturday with great caregivers coming in for the entire shift...then Sunday and Monday we haven't decided if we are going to bring someone in to do something fun, boat, harley ride, or golf or maybe nothing! The weather is suppose to be beautiful, but I know after the wedding catering job, I will be needing down time. So we will see. Have a wonderful blessed Memorial Weekend, and thank you all you Vets! Love to all.

Sunday 18th May

This past weekend was so busy for us, with our main cook on vacation and our backup cook giving us a weeks notice, we have been in the kitchen at the Down Under since Mothers Day! We prayed earlier in the year for several very important issues in our lives, and one of the main requests was to have a staff at the Down Under that could free us up so we could enjoy life. Our prayers are being answered, it just seems that about the time we think we are there we get a snag in the plan. This week with AJ giving us notice he wanted to work 3rds in a factory about broke the camels back, but guess what??? God sent us a young man who is so excited to learn our kitchen and is so willing to work and adds enthusiasm and drive back into our staff. So we spent the weekend training Collin and AJ agreed to still be "on call" so that really helps us. That is an update on our work scheduling! Hopefully this week will calm down a bit more and Todd can be freed up to do some outdoor work he has had to put off that he enjoys dong. I am catering a very large wedding this Saturday so my week will be more hectic than usual, but again, every so often it is the price we have to pay to pay the bills!!!

Dad and I had a beautiful week, and he was so thankful that Todd and I was able to go to church this morning as Kathy called to come and sit with dad so we didn't have to miss again. What a blessing she is to us to give of herself. This morning after bathing, shaving, breakfast, he was too pooped by the time she got here to visit with dad, so she was disappointed they didn't get to talk. With Todd and I working both Friday and Saturday nights, the caregivers we hired said dad was missing me alot, but understood the need to do what we were doing.

I pray for this week ahead for the wedding plans to go smoothly that I am catering, and that dad has an understanding of my busyness again this week.

Only You

Here it is May 15th, what amazes me maybe the most is I thought by being home so much more than before dad came, I would have time for home things that I have put on the back burner only to find out how much time it does take to care for dad with normal caring, such as feeding, bathing, getting up and putting down as well as he isn't able to get his own drink, shoo a fly away from his face, fix the covers, change the tv channel, make a phone call, just every little thing we take for granted he needs done for him. I want to make certain it is understood that I am not complaining, just explaining, it is different than I thought it would be. As I was thanking God for this opporutinity this morning and to use me any way God want for me today, I was reminded that all those projects and things I thought I would get done while being home right now really doesn't matter, and a year from now it won't matter...so enjoy the day, what I have been given, and if I get one window washed or one drawer organized while sitting there with dad...that is a good thing. I feel a quiet small voice telling me to count my blessings, fnd the good in this walk of life, and find laughter with dad in what we share. Which leads to today's title "only you" Yesterday was a day of bowel movement, THREE TIMES ! ! ! We woke up to a huge mess, then again twice before lunchtime! I looked at dad and said I would do this nasty cleanup for only you dad, and he began to sing that song "only you"

ONLY YOU (Platters)
Only you can make this world seem right Only you can make the darkness bright. Only you and you alone can thrill me like you do and fill my heart with love for only you.
Only you can make this change in me, for it's true, you are my destiny. When you hold my hand, I understand the magic that you do.
You're my dream come true, my one and only you.

Its those times that I want to share with those of you that I am allowed to experience and maybe you can smile as you are reading this. I am going to get the morning going, we feel your prayers, please continue praying for us. Thank you ! With love and blessings to you on this 15th day of May.

May 13, 2008

We had an eventful weekend, with visitors and dad thinking he can get out of bed without help was overwhelming. The other change that dad continues to call me "Ikie" touches my heart. When he wanted to call Ty one morning, he recited a prayer for a good minute of scripture and prayerfullness, it was beautiful. I think Ty got to hear a good portion of it as his voice was clear and louder than normal. On Mothers Day during our morning devotions dad shared many words of wisdom about Grandma Lovey and I shared my wonderful memories of mom, we cried, laughed and counted our blessings. We didn't get to go to church again, so listened to PulseFM and sang along what we could. Then we got a call from AJ that he was sick so we scrambled around to find a way to get his shift covered, only to find that it was us to cover, so Scott was called in to stay until Julia, one of the caregivers on our list was able to come and stay till we got home late Sunday night, and were we busy! ! ! Whoo, glad that is behind us. Dad did fine which is the important thing.

Along came Monday and Tuesday already, always eventful with hourly visits from hospice chaplin, nurse, social worker, caregiver, almost too much! But we are working through this with hospice. It just wears dad out and disrupts our home, so we are trying different visits and such. Dad will tell anyone that will listen that he and I had a funny experience Monday, while trying to move him from the commode to the bed, we tumbled down, both of us, and thankfully neither of us were hurt, and laughed and laughed and laughed. Brooke-Lynn was here all day so sick, so I was able to help care for her also so Michele could work for our cook that is off for a week. Todd worked at Down Under then met Arlen to work on the fishing boat. That is pretty much of our weekend up to date. Dad just seems so content and happier...I am praying that I can continue to care for him, it is hard, and still feels so life changing. Thank you everyone for prayers...I feel them!

Blessings are all around me

Wow, I thought I'd be able to write daily, where does the time go? I thought when deciding to take dad in, I would have more time at home to get caught up on much needed things since he seemed to sleep so much with my visits to the maples...Not! Dad sleeps for 10 minutes, then wakes up with needs, which, that is what I am here for, just thought I'd get stuff done that is so badly needed around here. No biggie, maybe a routine will fall in to place one day soon.

Dad still is calling me his sister, crying out in the night for Ikie...needing a drink, never cold enough and reciting scripture often. It is really a new experience for Todd and I and one so far do not regret. Again, once in awhile I get feeling sorry for myself, those that get to just go when they want, jump on their Harley for a quick lunch with friends, stuff like that, but I get over it about as quick as it comes.

Tomorrow is Mothers Day, no plans so far, I didn't get anyone to come and sit with dad so we could go to church. I guess I was hoping someone would volunteer. Lisa asked us to meet them half way but we decided to wait and have a time together longer than an hour, so we are getting together soon. Scotty is busy with his apartment so maybe a cookout later in the afternnon will be what we do.

Thats about it for now...happy mothers day for all you mom's, I surely miss my mom, what a blessing an example of what a mom is...

Begin and the rest is easy

As Todd and I were enjoying a quiet evening at home, watching TV, with laptop at one side, dads monitor at the other, we heard that we had "mail" and found Lisa's new Blog about her journey and enjoyed it so much decided to go with the flow and create my own Blog. Todd is still asking what is a blog?? What is my space?? Why do we need all of this information out there floating around?? If you know Todd, you can image the "crocheted" questions and hand motions and all the reasons I love him so much. I am going to see how this goes. How long will I do it??? I don't know, but dad always taught me, begin and the rest is easy, so lets give it a try.

I'm not going to go back too far, just want to update those of you who do not know, Todd and I decided to "TRY" to take care of dad here in our home three weeks ago this coming Monday. He has asked and asked me to take him home at each visit at the Maples, and I would always reply, "I can't", you are in the best place possible right now. Through prayer and sharing, Todd suppported any decision I would make on this opportunity. I thought, all I can do is try, and promised to not feel guilty or unworthy if it didn't work-to myself and others. It all began on April 21, and it has certainly been a life change for us. My first thing I would like to share about the last three weeks is I have been given a gift of experiencing things with my dad that only one can have by being with him 24/7. I have been given the chance to see his gentleness, thankfulness, humble, childlike innocence that not too many of his family and friends have not ever seen. I have been taught to count my blessings in all things, and this is such a challenge to me, to find blessings in caring for a man of my fathers demands, selfish, unthankful ways as well. So if that tells you anything, there are definately two sides to his personality and it changes as fast as a blink of an eye. Todd has had to stand back and see me rocking my father as a child for comfort as we struggle getting from the bed to the chair, to a close screaming match of who is right and who is wrong on how to treat one another. I imagine to Todd, what have I married in to here, but never says a word about the invasion of his home to us. I thank our Father in Heaven for Todd as my husband and his support. Again, this is still "trial" and dad may have to go back to the Maples or someone of that nature, but for today/tonight we are still trying.

An update on dad, he has had more good days here than bad, everyone that comes to see him cannot believe his improvement on alertness, eating, walking, up and talking, pain management, and most of all contentment. Today May 8th, has been, on the other hand, a hard day for dad, very disorentated, calling me Ikie (his sister that passed) most of the day, not eating and so weak it has taken both Todd and I to get him up and to the chair. I even had to call Scotty this morning to come and help get dad back to bed as I just could not move him myself and Todd was at work. Again, I am so blessed to have Scotty three minutes away and drops everything to help me with this. I have the same support from daily calls from Ty, Lisa and Michelle (and coffee/tea visits) checking on me. I also have a church that is blessing us with prayer and calls of support. Scott too is very much a part of our support. God is Good!

It is now midnight and dad keeps yelling for Ikie, reaching for something in the air, and having trouble swollowing, but wanting more and more cold cold water as he puts it, then seems to choke but wants more, clearing his throat between each yell for Ikie, along with help me help me plea's. We turned on the Christian radio station, repositioned the bed and covers, fluffed the pillow and maybe now he is getting calmed down, along with prayer and talking to God! I will sit up and listen to the monitor for a little while, make sure he is calmed down, then hit the sack!

I will try and give a daily update to this journey for dad, Todd and I as time permits. Until next time, your prayers are so felt, and my prayer request for this moment, is peace and comfort for dad, and to know it is okay to let go to life here on earth to go and be with our Heavenly Father and not to be afraid. For us, strength, wisdom and Gods will and understanding for each step we are facing.